jokes

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Clinton Pulls Out Hat to Rib Trump at Yale

It wasn't a 'MAGA' hat

(Newser) - Hillary Clinton returned to Yale University this weekend, warning the graduating class of the "tumultuous times" that await them—and then using the school's tradition of over-the-top headwear to rib President Trump with her own unusual hat: a Russian fur cap. The audience laughed as she said, "...

Paul Ryan's Got Trump Jokes at Charity Dinner

'Look at all the jobs the president has created, just among the White House staff'

(Newser) - "Every morning, I wake up in my office and scroll Twitter to see which tweets I will have to pretend that I didn't see later," Paul Ryan says of President Trump's social media use. The program for the annual Al Smith Dinner prods speakers to “...

This Joke Is the Funniest One-Liner of 2017
This Joke
Is the Funniest
One-Liner of 2017
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Aug 27, 2017 2:02 PM CDT

This Joke Is the Funniest One-Liner of 2017

According to 'Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe'

(Newser) - If you haven't heard of Scotland's Edinburgh Fringe Festival, you may be part of the minority. The New York Times reports the arts festival is the largest "in the known world," with its organizers boasting that only the Olympics and World Cup have a bigger attendance....

Kimmel Says Sorry to Caitlyn Jenner for Pre-Transition Jokes

'We thought you were just vain'

(Newser) - During an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live Tuesday night, Caitlyn Jenner took the late-night host to task for making jokes at her expense before her transition to a woman became public. "We didn't know what was happening, we thought you were just vain," Kimmel replied. "We...

8 Best Lines From Boo-Filled Clinton, Trump Dinner

The GOP candidate was booed at Catholic charity gala

(Newser) - A day after Wednesday night's bad-tempered debate, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump sat just one seat apart from each other at a New York City charity dinner . They were on either side of Cardinal Timothy Dolan, archbishop of New York, at the 71st Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner,...

200 Linguists Make Chelsea Handler's Dirty Jokes Funny

Netflix explains it hired an army

(Newser) - "I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people," or so jokes Chelsea Handler. But how to make the joke hit in Japanese? With the help of an army of linguists, naturally. At least, that's the path Netflix has taken...

Here's What Not to Fall For on April Fools' Day

Trust us

(Newser) - Don't believe everything you read on the Internet—but especially not on April 1. April Fools' Day is the perfect, albeit well-worn, opportunity to post on Facebook that you're pregnant or to inform your significant other that you just won the lottery. But if you'd rather read...

5 of the Most Important Jokes in Comedy
 5 of the Most
 Important Jokes 
 in Comedy 
in case you missed it
Feb 6, 2016 3:25 PM CST

5 of the Most Important Jokes in Comedy

Vulture rounds up 100; here's a small sample

(Newser) - If you've got some spare time on your hands, the editors at Vulture have selected the "100 Jokes That Shaped Modern Comedy." They define "joke" to include acts of physical comedy along with those of the traditional punchline variety, and they cull from stand-up routines, movies,...

Why Parents Should Put a Toy Chicken on Their Heads

Kids can learn the difference between joking and pretending by 16 months

(Newser) - Parents who joke and pretend with their toddlers are doing more than just play, they're teaching them important life skills, researchers from the University of Sheffield report in a new study in Cognitive Science . In fact kids as young as 16 months use cues from their parents to pick...

Ferguson Officials Joke About Black Abortions

Public-records request leads to new email release

(Newser) - If you're looking for racist or sexist jokes, the email trough from Ferguson, Missouri, is the gift that keeps on giving. Responding to a public-records request, officials have released emails that liken a black abortion to crime prevention and kid about a Muslim woman being stoned, the Guardian reports....

Sorry, Joan Rivers, People Took You Way Too Seriously

Charlotte Alter: Hypocrites who criticized her are now praising her

(Newser) - Look around today, and you'll find no shortage of breathless praise of Joan Rivers describing how bold and funny she was. The thing is, when she was alive, some of those very same outlets were criticizing her as mean, vulgar, and offensive, writes Charlotte Alter at Time . Rivers joked...

Obama: 'I'm Not Strapping Muslim Socialist I Used to Be'

Conan O'Brien slaps Joe Biden at White House Correspondents' Dinner

(Newser) - This year's White House Correspondents' Dinner saw laughs mixed with reflection on tragedies in Boston and Texas. President Obama took shots at the GOP and the media—not to mention himself. Among his best jokes, via Politico and the Los Angeles Times :
  • "Some folks still don’t think
...

Starbucks Bans Blonde Jokes
 Starbucks Bans Blonde Jokes 
Jan 13, 2012 6:40 AM CST

Starbucks Bans Blonde Jokes

Chain launches 'coffee for non-coffee drinkers'

(Newser) - Starbucks launched its new, mellower "Blonde" roast this week, and it doesn't want to hear any baristas sniggering about the name. "We were told at a regional rally there are absolutely no Blonde jokes to be told around the coffee whatsoever. It will be a written offense...

Pickup Lines for Al Gore
 Pickup Lines for Al Gore 
Jun 3, 2010 10:48 AM CDT

Pickup Lines for Al Gore

Sample: "I promise to finish second"

(Newser) - Al Gore is known for a lot of things—losing the presidency, "inventing" the Internet, fighting global warming—but charisma ain't one of them. Thankfully, comedian Andy Borowitz and his Twitter followers want to help the newly-single activist woo the ladies. Here are some of the best pickup...

The Worst Pop Music Puns
 The Worst Pop Music Puns 
Dec 2, 2009 9:17 PM CST

The Worst Pop Music Puns

When humor and music don't harmonize

(Newser) - Hate puns? Consider this stinker from Robbie Williams' latest record: "What's so great about the great depression/Is it a blast for you?/Because it's blas-phe-my." Ouch. Puns are uniformly terrible in pop and rock. NME cobbles together some of the worst pun song titles:
  • Salt N Pepa: "A
...

Top Late-Night Jokes About Bristol Palin

(Newser) - The barbs flying between Sarah Palin and David Letterman over which daughter he’s been making fun of (she says it’s 14-year-old Willow, he says it’s 18-year-old Bristol) moved Daniel Kurtzman, on About.com, to go to the videotape. He found none about Willow and enough about Bristol...

NOW Backs Palin Against Dave—With a 'But'

(Newser) - Sarah Palin has a new ally in her feud with David Letterman: the National Organization for Women. "The sexualization of girls and women in the media is reaching new lows these days," NOW says on its website, taking particular offense at Letterman's remark about Palin looking like a...

Peterson Calls Radio Show to Joke About Prison

(Newser) - That Drew Peterson is quite a card. In prison on charges of murdering his third wife, Peterson called a Chicago radio station this morning to crack jokes about prison life, reports TMZ. Among other things, Peterson told the Mancow & Cassidy show on WLS-AM that they should run a “...

Freelance Jokesters Pen Late-Night Laughs

WGA miffed by non-union writers

(Newser) - Late-night hosts don’t get all their gags in-house—scores of wannabe comedy writers bombard the likes of Jay and Dave with their one-liners, the Los Angeles Times reports, then anxiously wait for the show to air "to find out if you got a joke on or not,”...

Simon Isn't Planning to Freeze Himself After All

American Idol judge was joking, rep says

(Newser) - Ever the cool cat, Simon Cowell now says he was just kidding recently when he informed Britain’s prime minister he’d like to be frozen after his death, a rep for the American Idol judge tells the Mirror. The 49-year-old reportedly told Gordon Brown “I’d be doing...

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