Revved-Up Riot: 5 Craziest Crimes of the Week

A terrible subterfuge strategy and a Breaking Bad-style Walmart are among the weirdest crime stories of the week:

• Cops: Guy Takes Unappreciated Xmas Gift Into His Own Hands (Literally): Police say Alfred Joseph Guercio decided his Minnesota neighbor "did not appreciate" a knife set he had gifted to her over the holidays and "was upset that she was not using the knives in the way they had agreed for her to use them." So he did what any betrayed knife-lover would—and got arrested for it.

• Criminal Mastermind's Disguise Fooled Zero People: Pro tip: When the law is after you and you'd like to alter your appearance, don't spray-paint your face black. That's what police in Madera, Calif., say Jose Espinoza tried after being busted with a stolen car and fleeing the scene, ultimately returning to his home in his not-so-concealing getup. Cops posted the perfect one-word descriptor on Facebook to describe the camouflage attempt.

• Attention, Walmart Shoppers, the Restroom Is Not a Meth Lab: A restroom at an Indiana Walmart has been closed for now after an employee discovered a working meth lab inside. The worker got suspicious after seeing a man enter the restroom with a backpack and leave without it, say police. The reason the backpack was apparently left behind kind of makes sense, if you're a practical meth-maker looking out for your own well-being.

• Lawyer Busted Holding Something 'for a Client': Last Tuesday was just another day appearing in court for Connecticut lawyer Vincent Fazzone—until something fell out of his pocket and onto the floor, cops say. Fazzone isn't talking about his accidental drop, but his paralegal is.

• Chainsaw Fight? Chainsaw Fight: When Big Sandy, Mont., has a street fight, it has a street fight. Residents in the farming town's commercial district watched Monday as a brawl broke out between seven non-residents—complete with knives, a stolen car, and a revved-up chainsaw. It turned out pretty well, relatively speaking.

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